Tough Days

Mar 6, 2008 | 7:40 PM
Category: Faith

I catch myself gazing out my window in front of my desk. Its early morning and I should be getting into my work, but I can't concentrate. Instead, I open a can of "Monster" low carb energy drink because the first cup of coffee did absolutely nothing for me.

I want to close my eyes and Just SLEEP!!!!!!! I think I could fall into a deep coma right now if given the opportunity. My eyes are so heavy.

My gaze captures a bird sitting on the top of a weather vane perched high above the bank across the street. I am on the 8th floor and he is just above me. Its rather windy out already and there is a storm front starting to move through. But that bird is doing his best to keep his grip on that metal bar wobbling back and forth, daring not to let go.

I find it quite synonymous with the monotony I currently find myself in, which lately seems to be the story of my life. Trying to do all that I can to hang on and not give in, and to just not let go.

I find it quite ironic as well, that this weather vane has its' North, South, East and West all spinning in the wrong direction as if not knowing where to go. This too resembles the fact that my life seems to be spinning out of control and I have no SURE direction to turn. Any step that I take would simply be a guess. And I am so terribly horrified at making the wrong step in the wrong direction.

I worry about what others will think and don't really concern myself how it will affect me. When the only answer I really need to think about is that "GOD" is the only direction that I should be turning. But even now, for some reason, that has become a little confussing for me at times and I feel such a turmoil over it inside. I just want it all to STOP!!